Well shake a leg and go kiss your cousin! Life can sure came at you like a speeding, hopped-up Charger. The question is, are you going to see it as a chariot or as an agent of the Apocalypse? Before these past couple of months I would have played like a speed bump and rolled over and died in the middle of the road.
Life is always going to hurl some kind of flapdoodle your way. My usual lousy way of dealing with this truth was to curl up in fits of downheartedness while inanely waving my white flag of surrender. Luke and I have been having some fantastic back porch moments recently. Lots of talks about the beauty of redemption, forgiveness, and being broken of foolish, debilitating pride. One of the things Luke shared with me was how sad it is for him to know how hard I can fight for someone else but how I never fight for myself. Whatever the reasons are for that are not necessary to explore at this time in my life. As Luke said, "There are always going to be bug guts on the Cadillac of life." Right now I just need to drive that Cadillac to the nearest gas station and give it a righteous squeegeeing.
I don't know who all or how many people read this site but I'd love to hear how you deal with life's misfortunes, rotten-luck, hard-knocks, and bummers. Come and share your story.
What does that on-coming Charger look like to you, and is your Cadillac asthmatic or pneumatic?
Sunday, September 30, 2007
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15 comments:
No wonder I love reading your blog. We share a lot of the same tendancies AND we married men who are solidly in our corner. As for how I handle things, well usually I first fall over crying like a 2 year old but pretty soon I get up, dust off, and move on.
just ask my hubbie.
I curl into fetal position and rock myself until I feel better.
I am just about the MOODIEST person I know. and it can go from sh*t to champagne in 5 seconds flat!
like you, when it comes to others', I can totally deal. like Wonder Woman.
but when it comes to myself, I loose sight of it all! I sulk, I mope and make all around me suffer!
I wish there were an Optimism pill I could pop when I get like that.
or a spring-loaded head slapper machine to apply to my cheek.
at any rate, luckily those moments tend to last a matter of minutes or hours at most.
for me anyway, I get over it and move on and think to myself, "what the HELL was that???!!!
here's hoping we both find our Optimism Pill!
I say: cook yourself a good dinner, get yourself some wine (in my case it's always 2 buck chuck) and figure out the best plan of action to make things better. The food and liquor help lubricate the decision-making and planning process.
Right now I'm stuck in a town I hate, I have 400$ in the bank, and want to leave even though my significant other needs to stay and finish his M.A. I plan on working until I have about 2,000$ in the bank, heading out to a place with clouds, and letting the relationship figure itself out. Happy squeegeeing. Best of luck. Hope your decision comes quickly and painlessly.
You sure are speaking my language. I am not an optimist and often wish I were. Wouldn't life be so much easier that way? Sometimes I get blue and think nothing will get me out of it. I do, however, believe that the more I feel that way the longer it'll take to get out of the funk. I kind of have to talk myself out of it. Some days, though, I just want to wallow in blueness.
(PS: thank you, Galadriel, for your thoughtful comment on my blog. I truly, truly appreciate it. The day I wrote that was a blue day and reading the comments people wrote made me feel so much better. Hugs back to you.)
First, you've got one clever man. I might have to use those cadillac words. He's right on.
Second, and forgive me, but, I've got to rant for a second. I've been kinda blue lately and this is what I've been telling myself...
I'm usually pretty good at ignoring the yuckiness of life, but sometimes it gets me down. When it does, I think back to the days leading up to my wedding. Nathan and I had waited a LONG time to get married and we were all set for an outdoor spring wedding. I was sure everything would be great, no problem.
That, of course, did not happen. It rained the entire week. Three days before the event, Nathan's Grandpa died suddenly. To give you some background, Grandpa was the kinda guy that you were lucky to know. The most generous hearted, lovable man I think I have ever met. He was the glue that held Nathan's large (okay, gigantic) family together. His jokes, his empathy, all of it. So, when he died, we were all quite a mess. The funeral was a day before the wedding and we weren't really feeling like celebrating. When the big day arrived, after a week of rain, sadness, and shadow, the sun came out. Literally hours before we said our vows. It was as if we were lifted to a new level. A level where he was there with us, smiling as always, and telling us that everything would be okay. That life was so full and this was just a small transition in such a beautiful world. Our wedding was blessed because of it.
So, stumbling is okay. Falling, getting knocked right the heck out is okay. Just always remember to wake up and take a long look around. There's always something just as wonderful to experience that will counter whatever it is that might be dragging you down. You just have to keep your eyes open and notice it.
Sorry that was so long...but I do feel better now. Thanks for listening.
while keeping my head above the mire, i try to figure out the lesson that i need to learn from the situation in order to help me become a better human being in my endeavors. also, i think of all the suffering in the world and realize i am blessed and my troubles are small potatoes. that being said...i admit all this healthy processing comes after much wallowing, moaning, bewailing, crying and a heap of self pity etc... (i think the purge is an important part of the whole)
I drink. I'm from Wisconsin. 'Nuf said.
i fall down and pitch a fit. cry. rant. spit. give the finger. howl. and then slip into quiet introspection.
i pick myself up. get in the car. drive to the ice cream store (not the grocery store for ice cream...there is a diff). order the large with fixin's. sit on a bench, eat my ice cream, and thank god for my failings because that is where i learn to count on him and grow.
Sometimes I think if I drive fast enough in the other direction (away from reality) that the bugs will blow off my windshield on their own. I guess that's how I often cope. Perhaps I should try slowing down enough that I can actually see the critters I'm dealing with and then stop to find a cleaner that'll really make my Caddy shine! Thanks for the honestly clever post.
Mostly, I am a positive person - perhaps it's just a pretty way to say that I avoid conflict. When that doesn't work, I have two general ways of dealing with this kind of thing - depending on hormone and sleep levels. It also depends on duration of poo slinging.
Sometime, I can deal with just the facts and remove the emotions from a situation. My husband is really good at helping me see the facts, and that really helps. However, when I am too tired to go the facts first, I become reactionary. I cry and weep and hide and blame and feel sorry for myself and drink a half a bottle of wine. Sometimes, I have a big fat temper tantrum and I shout and gnash my teeth and slam the doors alot to get noticed and I run away from everyone and everything. Then, I shape up and suck it up and solve the problem.
I don't think many women can get away from problem solving like men can. "Honey, what do I do?" We look at the facts and face them and march right in and deal. I am still working on not becoming too defensive and not taking life oh, so personally. Everything that goes amiss in this life is not always my fault and no one will think less of me...
*sigh*
I need help. :-)
We all need help. And a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen and friends to support and a family to love. If we have those things, we are going to be OK, no matter how we deal with the bugs on the windshield.
It sounds like things are a little swampy right now. Hang in there. Listen to all of the people who are stepping out to talk about this, and feel comforted that we are all in this together.
I must have really thought about the old saying at "time heals all wounds" at some stage. This is what I usually rely on in really bad times. Time can be your enemy in good times, always marching forward, but in bad times, you just have to wait, and the wheel will turn.
I'm a rocker! I sit and rock and rock and rock somemore until I make some sort of sense of it or start cryiing. I was always the first to leap to someone elses defense, but fell very flat at taking care of myself.
Marriage has helped, Travis is a positive person. He has shown me the value of just opening the window to let the sun in, turning on some good music and reading, or crocheting. Something to keep my mind occupied long enough for me to relize that I can't change it so I just have to accept it and move on.(Don't tell him, but I still rock!)
I love that you asked this question. In some very personal ways this year has been more than just bug guts on my Cadillac. My uncle tells this really funny story: When he was stationed in Germany almost 30 years ago he bought this really awesome Saab. gorgeous. And he had it shipped back to the US and was so proud of the thing. One day he pulled into a gas station and noticed all these guys staring at his car. The more they looked the cockier he felt and acted. He strutted into the station to pay, and when he came back out, he realized why everyone was checking out his ride: he had a *huge* dead bird stuck in the front grill.
That's the kind of year I've had: A huge dead bird stuck to the front of my Saab year.
I kind of take things a day at a time, see a therapist, be mindful of the trillion gorgeous moments I have every day. Say my blessings. Have totally irreverent friends. Blog.
xoxo,
j.
I think it's interesting how everyone has a pulse on their reactions. I have no idea what I do or what my tendencies are. So that either makes me schizophrenic or completely static. Either way, I'm sure that I have friends and family to support me. that's pretty darn important. and, what seems like a recurring theme, a good glass (replace with bottle when necessary) of wine.
haHA! Not well. :) And its something I'm trying to work on, but re-training 25 years of instinctive reaction is tricky ;)
I'm pretty good at letting small things roll off. Depending on what it is, it won't even phase me.
The big stuff, that's another story =P I'm realizing now that I have a tendancy to stuff it down, put on the 'everything is fine' face in front of others (except my poor husband, poor poor husband) because I don't WANT to deal with it. For reasons we won't get into on your comment section =D
And then later....I either spend 3 days being insanely grouchy, mulling it all over, swearing I'm not, until FINALLY I can verbalize what's bothering me...usually in a uh...yelling form. Or...I pack it away to deal with a few years later. Depending on how big it is.
Aren't I the picture of emotional health? :D lol
I'm working on it, I really am. Because....because I am.
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